A Certain Distance
by SylvaDragon
Summary: Albus Dumbledore should have been happy, after all he was dating Minerva McGonagall, but the distance she kept between them troubled him. It was always there, despite all her care, he was all too aware of a certain distance, and he couldn't help wanting more. Angsty, romance about Albus and Minerva. ADMM.
1. Chapter 1

A Certain Distance

Chapter One

Albus Dumbledore put on his favourite robe, and smiled softly to himself. Tonight was the night that he would ask Minerva to marry him. He hummed merrily as he placed his best scarlet hat on his head. Of course he knew that there was every chance that Minerva would say no, but Albus was an optimist, and more than anything he believed in hope.

He knew all about Minerva's previous husband, after all her and Jack had been best friends for several years before friendship blossomed into something more, and they started dating. Albus knew perfectly well that Minerva's experiences with Jack had affected her deeply, and that she had many reasons to reject his proposal, but they had been dating for over two years now, and it had been far longer since her marriage ended, surely she must realise that things would be different with him.

So Albus dressed in his best clothes, took extra care with combing his hair and long beard, and dared to hope that she would accept him. At last with nervous butterflies fluttering in his stomach, he made his way to Minerva's chambers, where they had arranged to spend a quiet evening together.

Albus' chest tightened as he stood outside Minerva's door, her last marriage had ended so badly, with her and Jack almost enemies. He knew how much this had hurt her, for it had been him that had supported her through it, him that she had turned to. What if he couldn't persuade her that things would be different with him? He was nearly convinced he could, after all he loved her with all his heart, and she seemed to love him, despite the careful almost imperceptible distance she kept between them, the way she would never spend an entire night in his chambers, the way she always flitted away before he woke. Albus sighed, this was why he wanted to marry her, he was tired of waking up to an empty bed, tired of distances and barriers between them, no matter how small.

A pleasant half hour or so passed, as they sat together on Minerva's couch, chatting amicably, for Albus had no intention of rushing things, but when a comfortable silence fell between them he saw his oppourtunity.

Minerva had a dreadful feeling that she knew what was coming, as soon as Albus produced a large bunch of her favourite flowers with a flourish. When he then knelt on the floor before her, and gazed at her with eyes full of adoration, her heart sank within her. She had no wish to hurt him, he was the kindest and sweetest of men. "Oh Albus don't," She pleaded, "I don't want to hurt you."

"I have to Minerva," He said softly, as a shadow passed briefly across his face. "You know what I want, have wanted for a very long while. I love you with all my heart and soul Minerva, I want us to grow old together, to build a life together. Will you marry me, my love ?"

The love and adoration in his voice, his bright charismatic eyes, nearly broke her determination to refuse him, but she couldn't say yes, couldn't risk losing him the same way she had lost Jack. It would turn out just the same if she married Albus, they were opposites after all, it could never work.

His hand rested lightly on her's, "Minerva?" He asked softly, "Will you marry me, my darling?"

She tried to lighten the blow a little, it was almost unbearable to hurt him so. "I'm the worst type of witch, one that likes to clean. You would never put up with that Albus, just think of the state of your chambers ... the mess ...it would never work. I would drive you mad cleaning all the time."

"Well actually my dear, I do not like the mess at all, I only don't tidy because I'm far too lazy to do so," Albus twinkled merrily, and Minerva knew that the real truth was most likely because he was too busy, and she was filled with the wish to look after him. "Therefore I think you are my perfect match, and once again I ask, will you marry me?"

"Oh Albus..." Minerva said sadly. _Why did he have to keep asking? Why couldn't he just be happy as they were?_ "There are other reasons too, other reasons why it wouldn't work ..."

"Tell me what they are my love," Albus said softly.

Minerva sighed as she saw how his eyes still sparkled hopefully up at her, he didn't deserve this, he had always been wonderful to her. Still he had asked for reasons, and she had to give them. She tried her best to be gentle, to reject him in the kindest possible way, and so she chose her words with care. "We are so very different Albus, so different, just like Jack and I were. We were opposites too, just like you and I."

"Are we truly so incompatible Minerva?" He asked gently, "Haven't we been happy these last two years?"

The sorrow she could hear in his voice wrenched at her heart, begging her to say yes. Minerva drew a deep breath, "Yes Albus we have been happy, but that is because there is a certain distance between us. We do not spend enough time together for our differences to become irritating." She was desperate to make him understand that she could not marry him, not now, not ever. "There are so many reasons why it would be a very bad idea Albus, we are so different in so many ways ..."

"Such as?" He queried with a quiver in his voice.

The pain in his blue eyes was easy to see, and the slight palor of his face filled her with guilt, and so she tried to soften the blow. "You are a night person Albus, and I am a morning person, you would soon grow tired of me waking you up all the time."

"Minerva I would gladly wake at the crack of dawn for the rest of my life, if you were there with me," he answered gently.

"Albus please, you are not making this easy," Minerva sighed. "You must see we have nothing in common ..."

"I disagree," Albus answered, "We have a love of Hogwarts, and of teaching. We are both intelligent, if I do say so myself, we both enjoy chess, and a good book, and many other things. I believe we are meant to be together my dear, come now, say you will marry me..."

Minerva sighed heavily, this was too hard, to hurt him so. "Albus you know what I mean, we are so different, just as Jack and I were, I do not want us to end up hating each other."

"Minerva I could never hate you ever, and I do not believe that you could hate me either. Despite our differences we mesh together like two parts of a whole, always have, and always will. Can you not see this?" Albus asked, as charismatic blue eyes gazed up at her, from where he still knelt on the carpet.

"Why must you be so insistent Albus? You say yourself that we are happy, then let's stay us we are."

"Just dating?" Albus asked mournfully. "Is that truly all you want Minerva? With no promise of anything more in the future?"

Minerva nodded, too upset by the sorrow in his face to trust herself with words.

He sighed heavily, "We could, but Minerva, I wish to do more than just date. I wish to be with you for my entire life, to commit to you, and have you do the same with me. There is no one else for me Minerva, you are my life. To wake up and see you there beside me, to go to sleep at night with you in my arms, to know we will always be there for each other, to think and make plans together, children ... a family ..." Imploringly his hand reached out to grasp her's lightly.

Children - it was everything she had longed for once, before Jack, before she realised that opposites could never work, that differences if they were too much and too many tore you apart once you lived together. Minerva almost wrenched her hand from his. She could not let herself believe in such dreams ever again. Her voice was harsher than she intended, as she answered, "No Albus, I can't. I'm sorry, but I will not change my mind."

He seemed to break apart before her eyes at that, as he knelt before her staring blankly at the carpet. "Minerva please ..." He whispered at last.

She was in peril of saying yes at that point, only the thought of the fights that would surely follow, if they were foolish enough to marry, stopped her. "I've made my decision Albus, you know the reasons why ..." She whispered, unable to even look at him.

"I'm not him, Minerva. I'm not your ex husband, things would be different with us ..."

"I think you should go Albus, I need to be alone." She turned away dismissively even though her heart was breaking apart inside her. "Forgive me," She whispered as the door shut behind him.

_Author's Notes_

_This is the first thing I've published in nearly a year, my absence was caused by real life stuff and health issues, I have a ton of other stories which I'll be publishing in the next weeks. I'm also working on two other novel length stories, both of which I want to complete before publishing, both are ADMM. :)_

_There are another five chapters of this story, all of them written and ready to publish. So, no worries about me not completeing the story, it is finished already! Yayy! :D So, how often to update? Once a week? This story was written for camp nanowrimo, and there are several other stories to come, which were also written for camp. 40,000 words in a month, whew! ;)_

_I'd love to hear what people think of it so far, reviews will be loved. ;) _

_Anyone know of similar things to nanowrimo and camp nanowrimo? I love the inspiration that type writing gives me. I'd do nanowrimo every month if they had it - ah the insanity. ;)_


	2. Chapter 2, Once Bitten Twice Shy

Chapter Two

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Minerva tossed and turned sleeplessly in her bed that night, she had seen the pain in Albus' eyes when she had insisted that she could not marry him. Hurting him like that tore her apart, but it was better than losing him all together, as had happened with her first husband Jack, all those long years ago. It was Albus who had been there to comfort her then, offering her help and advice until she had come to rely on his friendship. Slowly over many years, friendship had blossomed into something more, an attraction, desire for each other, and at last Albus had persuaded her to go on a date with him.

A brief smile flashed across Minerva's face as she recalled that first date just over two years ago. Albus had been the prefect gentleman, arriving with a single red rose, and hope dancing in his bright blue eyes. There had been an ease in their date, and his brief almost chaste kiss at the end of the day had put her fears to rest. Had let her believe that they could just stay like this forever, simply dating nothing more.

Minerva flung her covers to the floor in frustration. Why couldn't he understand that they were too different to marry? Why didn't he understand it would never work?

Minerva closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but all she saw was Albus' pale pained face, the sorrow in those bright blue eyes. She had broken his heart tonight, she felt terrible. Why couldn't she love him the way he wanted? To each and every reason which she had given why they should not marry, he had had an answer, a very good answer. Why couldn't she just let herself say yes?

She knew how much this meant to him, and when she thought about how delighted he would be if she said yes, then her heart danced joyously within her. She could picture the twinkle in his eyes, the way his face would break into the merriest beam ever. She did love him after all, even with the distance that she was so careful to always keep between them, she loved him, though she would never confess it to him. How could she not love him? He was charismatic, magnetic, the kindest and sweetest of men. She couldn't bring herself to take the risk though, no matter that he so clearly wanted children, something that she had longed for herself once, before Jack, before she learnt that love could so easily turn to hatred. Before she put up the protective shields to keep herself safe from a loss like that again.

Minerva felt tears spring to her eyes as she remembered Jack, and her brief argument strewn marriage to him. They had met when she was eighteen, and studying advanced transfiguration in London with Professor Gideon. The placement had been arranged for her by Dumbledore. Professor Gideon was renowned as a world expert on transfiguration, particularly animagus forms, and very rarely took on students. Minerva was immensely grateful to Dumbledore for arranging this, but she knew few people in London, and couldn't help feeling a little lonely until she met Jack.

Jack had been five years older than her, with dark hair, and eyes. He had been an auror, and they had met when he had visited Professor Gideon one day to request his help. Apparently the matter had been complex, and over the course of Jack's frequent visits the two had become friends. Though Minerva had little time to socialise, it had been pleasant to have someone to talk to, and despite the differences between them, their friendship had grown very close.

With her friends from Hogwarts scattered around the country, pursuing their own lifes, with her old mentor Dumbledore far away, and only the aging Professor Gideon for company, it had been nice to have someone near her own age to spend her small amount of free time with. Minerva sighed, as she thought back to those years, she still regretted the loss of Jack, always would despite his later treatment of her. Even though she was no longer in love with him, he had still meant a great deal to her, nearly as much as Albus. Despite their many differences she and Jack had been great friends, until they made the mistake of marrying.

As she had got to know Jack she had realised that he had a dark side to him, that he was prone to brooding over perceived resentments, to bitterness and bouts of anger. She had been astonished by the bile he spewed about the other aurors, when he returned from a mission that had failed, by the way he blamed everyone except himself. Because he was her friend she had made allowances, and put it down to pressure of the job. And in those days Jack had never directed his dark moods at her, instead he dealt with his moods by drinking the night away, slouched at a bar, venting his bitterness to anyone who would listen.

There had been other differences between them too, in almost every way they had been opposites, with only their intellect in common. Minerva rubbed her eyes tiredly, just like Albus and her were opposites in almost every way.

Even now, all these years later, she still considered herself foolish and far too trusting, for not failing to see those warning signs. It was a mistake she did not intend to make ever again. Minerva tossed uncomfortably in bed, her mattress felt rock hard, her pillow like a log beneath her head. Of course Albus didn't have an ounce of bitterness in him, and he was certainly incapable of resentment against any one. The only moods Albus got were crazy ones, but it was still the same situation - they were entirely different in too many ways, and if they married things would turn out the same as with Jack.

After a few years, she and Jack had begun to date, even then he had still shown no sign of turning his darkness upon her, after all he had had the escape route of time away from her then. Once they married that all changed so fast, and when Minerva looked back on it, she was sure that it had been the pressure of being constantly together, of living under the same roof that had done it. Minerva had been full of dreams of children, happy families, and eternal love when she married him at just twenty five years old. Her fist pounded the pillow in frustration, how could she have been so naive? Within months the fights had started, screaming matches that lasted into the night, as Jack took all his bitterness and resentment out on her. And she fought back against the unfairness of his behaviour, with every ounce of stubborn determination that she possessed.

Matters only worsened when he was implicated in a scandal about a failed mission, and was suspended from his job as an auror, the ministry full of rumours and whispers about his part in the failure. Even now Minerva didn't know if it truly had been his fault, at the time she had backed him unquestioningly, even that hadn't been enough for him though. He had only resented her more, intent on blaming her for everything.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she recalled the last year of their marriage, the times he'd raged at her with hatred in his eyes, blaming her for everything that was wrong with his life. Resenting her success, accusing her of ruining his life by dragging him back to Hogwarts. She remembered how the injustice of his accusations had infuriated her, how she had screamed back at him, the sleepless nights when they had done nothing but fight, until he flung himself from the house.

Even then she had still loved him, still believed that love was enough to make any marriage work, and once her anger had cooled she was always ready to forgive his dark moods and rage. Minerva dashed tears from her cheeks, as she remembered how Jack would take her forgiveness, and fling it back at her unwanted, how he would accuse her of feigning forgiveness in order to gain the upper hand. As that first year back teaching at Hogwarts had dragged on, the fights had worn on her, and she began to think that she had made a terrible mistake in marrying Jack, to wish that they had simply stayed as friends, then none of this would have happened. Just a few months later they had divorced, and Minerva had been torn between sorrow and relief, she had sincerely believed that once they'd had a few months apart, they would be able to renew their friendship.

Minerva could stay in bed no longer, her pillow felt like a rock beneath her head, and every second spent trying to lie still and relax was a torment of stress. Disgusted she flung herself from her bed, and striding across to the window stared out at the dark midnight skies. The moon was shrouded in dark clouds, and the waters of the lake were tossed by wind, mirroring her own swirling confused emotions. It must be after midnight, she would be in no fit state to deal with classes tomorrow, and yet she couldn't sleep, A fact which aggravated her immensely, as unwanted memories of the final time she had seen Jack surged into her mind, opening old wounds anew.

She had been visiting an old student in Ireland at the time, and staying in a nearby wizarding pub, as she made her way to her room one evening, she saw a familliar figure standing by the bar. Even with his back to her, she recognised Jack at once, couldn't help the surge of joy at seeing him again, for the first time in six long months. The last time she had seen him, was when they finalised their divorce, there had been such coldness between them then, but surely time would have healed.

"Jack, how are you?" She asked, as she stepped towards him, her green eyes shining with delight.

The hatred in his eyes as he swung to face her stunned her to her very core, wiping the smile from her lips instantly, as her face paled at his words. "Why would you care how I am?" He snarled.

"Of course I care, Jack. You are still my friend, and always will be." She answered stoutly after a brief shocked silence.

His face twisted cruelly, rendering him almost unrecognisable, as he snarled, "What makes you think I want your friendship? You ruined my life, I wish I'd never met you! And I will wish that until the day I die." His finger wagged in her face, "Stay away from me, I hate you, and want nothing more to do with you."

She stared at him stunned, as his mouth twisted into a vindictive smile of delight at having hurt her, then he turned and strode away from her, leaving her to bite her lips to prevent tears from falling

She had just managed to hold the shreds of her dignity and self control long enough to make it back to her room, and then had descended into floods of tears, unable to believe that someone she considered a friend despite everything could take such pleasure in wounding her.

Minerva's hands clenched, as she stared unseeingly from her window, her mind was made up, she would not risk losing Albus from her life too. She and Jack had been polar opposites, just like Albus and her, it could never work, the risk was too great. No matter that she loved Albus dearly, and was sorely tempted to marry him, once burned twice shy as far as she was concerned. Better to have him in her life as just dating, or even just friends, than not at all.

If she married Albus, then they would surely fight, there would be no escape, no getting away from each other. She couldn't make the same mistake again, she had lost one friend because she had been naive enough to imagine that opposites could work if they married, she would never make that mistake again. Her mind was made up.

* * *

When Albus didn't appear for breakfast the next morning Minerva felt terrible. When he also didn't show up for lunch or supper, she grew very concerned. She had known he would be hurt, but she hadn't expected this.

At last after much soul searching she decided that she had to go and see him, find out if he was all right. Her heart pounded in her chest as she made her way to his chambers. Would his eyes still hold that dreadful pain? Would he even want to speak to her?

Instead of her normal confident knock, Minerva tapped tremulously on his door, holding her breath as she waited for his answer. To her distress, when the invitation to enter came, it was not in his normal merry tone. Entering she found Albus standing with his back to her, gazing out of the high arched windows which let the sunlight flow brightly into the hexagonal room, with it's vibrantly coloured wall hangings, mismatched carpets, and large soft chairs. Normally such a welcoming place, but today Minerva couldn't help but shiver slightly, despite the summer sun that warmed the room.

"Albus?" she said uncertainly. Instinctively her hand reached out to him, then withdrew again, as she reminded herself of the distance she must keep between them.

"Did you want something Minerva?" To her dismay he refused to turn and face her.

She hesitated, uncertain like never before in his company. "You didn't come down to any of the meals today, I was worried about you," She answered at last.

There was a fraught silence, at last he answered her, though he still kept his back to her. "I didn't think you would worry ..."

"You know how fond I am of you Albus, how much you matter to me ..."

"Fond, Minerva is that all it is? I had hoped it was something more ..." There was a bitterness in his voice that she had never heard before.

"You know how I feel about you Albus ..." She said desperately.

"I know that you refuse to even contemplate marrying me, that you reject all notion of building a life, a future together. I know that you never tell me that you love me, that you always keep a certain distance between us, a distance you do your best to hide, but I feel it still Minerva. Do you think it doesn't wound me when you vanish away while I sleep, when you refuse to spend an entire night in my bed even once? Do you think I do not hurt when you insist upon leaving me each day? I feel the distance Minerva, despite all your care ..."

Minerva was stunned into silence by his words, he seemed almost angry, and all she could do was gaze at his back miserably.

"No Minerva I am not angry," He said softly, "I am just disappointed, I understand of course, I just ..." Albus fell silent, staring unseeingly out of the window, his shoulders drooping miserably.

As the silence stretched into forever, Albus ran his hand tiredly across his face, "I'm sorry Minerva, sorry that I find it so hard to accept that this is all we can ever have."

He seemed so defeated, in all her long years of knowing Albus Dumbledore she had never seen him look so broken as this. All her worst fears rose in her, as she stared at him, "I don't want to lose your friendship Albus," she said desperately.

"Friendship!" He snapped, turning suddenly to face her, his eyes blazing, "I want far more than mere friendship Minerva, but you refuse to give it, and yet you make demands of me, demands that cost more than you know! You would have me continue with this half relationship, this facade without commitment, without a future, without any hope of something more! Do you know what that costs me?"

Minerva was stunned into silence by his words, his unexpected rage. She took an uncertain step backwards, she had never seen Albus so full of fury and bitterness before. With one more shocked glance at him she turned, and half ran from his chambers, sweeping the tears that threatened to fall furiously away.

Behind her in the chambers that still crackled with his magical energy, Albus Dumbledore sagged tiredly into a chair, and sinking his head into his hands let the tears flow down his wrinkled cheeks.

_Author's Notes_

_So, update time again, Tah Dah! I hope you all enjoyed it. I added a lot to this chapter, to try and give people a clearer image of what happened with Minerva's first marriage. This was not easy to write, and I struggled a bit with it, so I hope it worked okay. _

_Four more chapters after this. ;) And, I'll try to keep to once a week. _

_Once again, I would love to hear what people think of it so far. Reviews will make me happy. ;) I hope I caught all typos and spelling errors, I tried to. ;)_


	3. Chapter 3

A Certain Distance

Chapter Three

Neither one of them slept well that night, and both decided to take breakfast alone in their chambers. Minerva forced herself to concentrate on her classes all that long day, determined that her emotional state would not affect her teaching. Several times she glanced out of the window, and saw Albus striding along the shores of the lake, with Fawkes resting lightly on his shoulder. Even from that distance she could tell that he was not his normal cheerful self, and the sight filled her with guilt.

At dinner and supper, they avoided each other's eyes, and said not a word to each other, as both seemed focused on picking at their food. With the day finally done, Minerva escaped at last to her chambers, to welcome privacy from the prying eyes, and gossip that was already spreading about why they weren't talking to each other. Tiredly she sank into a chair by the open window, rubbing her hands across her aching head. The room seemed so quiet without Albus, and she couldn't help but worry if this was the end of everything between them. Could they even be friends after this?

Perhaps she should go and apologise to Albus, try to make amends. She had hurt him badly, she knew that, but she was too exhausted to move. And in truth his anger the other night had scared her a little. The skies outside grew dim, the breeze from the open window chillier, and still Minerva sat there, lost in thought and fear. Suddenly there was a soft familiar knock at her door, one which made her heart leap hopefully. "Come in Albus," she called, whilst straightening her hair with one hand.

That Albus was not his normal exuberant self, was clear as soon as he stepped into the room. He looked as exhausted as Minerva felt, with dark shadows under his eyes, and a look of sorrow on his face. "Minerva ..." He said, so faintly she could barely hear him, "I trust I am still welcome here, after my behaviour yesterday?"

"Oh Albus don't be silly! We were both at fault." Minerva tried to sound reassuring, to put him at his ease, but still he hovered uncertainly in the doorway. "Come and sit down Albus, you are always welcome, you should know that."

"Thank you Minerva." Albus muttered, as he took a seat across from her, where he sat looking anywhere but at her.

Minerva felt trapped by uncertainity, part of her wanted to reach out to Albus and offer comfort, and part held her motionless waiting for him to speak. She should at least offer him a cup of tea, he looked so drained and sad sitting hunched before her.

Just as she was about to summon a house elf, Albus spoke, though he still refused to meet her eyes. "I shouldnt have spoken to you the way I did Minerva ..."

"It's all right Albus ..." She answered swiftly.

He continued on as though she hadn't spoken, his fingers twisted together in distress, eyes still fixed on her carpet. "Then to let you go when I knew how much I had hurt you ... to not come after you ... to ignore you today while I wallowed in my own sorrow ... it was unforgiveable of me."

Minerva sighed, why did he always have to be so hard on himself? "Albus you are not perfect, you are only human, you make mistakes too," She reminded him gently. "I said awful things too Albus."

"You only spoke the truth Minerva."

"As did you." Minerva replied.

"What are we to do Minerva?" He asked quietly, and for a time there was a silence between them, and the room seemed full of sorrow.

At last Albus dared to look up and meet her eyes. Minerva stifled a gasp at how pale he was, as she noticed how his normally twinkling eyes shimmered with unshed tears. Albus' voice shook, and his long fingers fiddled absently with his belt tassel, as he said quietly, "I'm not sure I can go on like this Minerva, with no hope of anything more in the future. I'm sorry my dear, but I have to ask, I need to know... is there any chance that in the future you will change your mind?"

Minerva wished fervently that he had not asked that question, but he had, and she owed him an honest answer. She took a deep breath and answered as gently as possible. "Albus, you know what happened with Jack and I ... I can't take the risk that the same will happen with you. We are opposites too Albus, the same could happen with us if we marry. I won't change my mind. I'm sorry Albus."

"So this ... this dating is all there can ever be between us?" The tremble in his voice was far more pronounced now, and Minerva could see how his hands shook as the fiddling grew more intense.

She felt tears burning at the backs of her own eyes now, to hurt him like this again, she could hardly bear it, and yet she couldn't lie to him. It would be far more cruel to give him false hope for a future that could never be. She had to force the words out. "I'm sorry Albus, but yes, this is all there can be."

The silence was far longer this time, as his eyes fell to stare at the floor once more, and Minerva wondered whether she should reach out to him or not. She had got so practised at closing off, that it was just too hard to bridge the growing gulf between them with a comforting touch. All she could do was whisper, "I'm sorry Albus, I really am."

"So am I my dear." Albus whispered, as long silver hair tumbled over his eyes shrouding them from her view, and his boney shoulders drooped in defeat. In a voice close to breaking he said softly, "I can't do this anymore Minerva. I can't go on like this, I just can't."

"What are you saying Albus?" she gasped, as her heart lept into her mouth. Was he going to walk away from her just as Jack had done?

Slowly he lifted his head, and gazed with stricken eyes at her. "I can't go on just dating, with no hope ever of anything more between us. I want so much more Minerva, and it's too hard to see you flit away from me when I long for you to stay. I can't do this anymore Minerva." A single tear wended it's way down his ashen face. "I think it would be easier if we were just friends from now on."

Before Minerva could answer, Albus had risen heavily to his feet, and made towards the door. With one hand resting lightly on the doorknob, he turned and faced her. "I'll still be here for you Minerva, I'll always be your friend. It'll be like it was before," He tried to reassure, then with bowed head left her chambers, closing the door quietly behind him.

As the door shut, Minerva felt tears falling down her own cheeks, try as she might she couldn't stop them. They just kept coming until her eyes were red and sore, and her head ached. She was shocked by the strength of her reaction. It wasn't as though she had lost Albus, he had promised that he would still be her friend, and she trusted him. So why was she so upset, so bereft? She hadn't cried like this since Jack, and the day he had looked at her with such loathing, and warned her to stay away from him forever. That was the final time she had seen or heard from him, and she had been shocked by his delight in hurting her, by his cruelty. Albus by comparison had been kind, had tried to be gentle. He was still here in her life, so why did she feel as though she had lost something?

With the throb in her head growng worse by the minute, till it made thought all but impossible, Minerva surrendered to the tears and simply let them flow down her face until her robes were damp with them, and she was too exhausted to do anythng other than collapse into bed.

_Author's Notes_

_Updated on Thursday as promised, and it is still Thursday even though it's after midnight here, since tomorrow doesn't come until I've gone to bed. ;) Next chapter on Thursday too, sooner if I can manage it, however camp nanowrimo starts Monday, which may distract me. ;) I'll be writing ADMM for camp. _

_This chapter is really angsty, far more so than what I normally write. I have no idea where all the angst came from, this story was just written in about four days, as it came. _

_So, what did you all think of it? I'd love feedback. Hope you aren't all too sad now. ;) _


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

When Albus and Minerva met at breakfast the next day, there was an awkwardness between them that had never been there before, and neither one of them was particularly willing to meet the other's eyes. When the meal was over, both of them went about their daily business with a heaviness and sense of loss.

At supper that evening, it was Albus who made the first move to heal the rift between them. As he asked softly, "How about a game of chess tonight? I have yet to defeat you this term, I believe..."

Minerva knew that he tried to inject false brightness into his voice, and as she braved raising her head to answer him, she saw to her sorrow that his eyes were entirely devoid of their normal twinkle. For a few seconds she was caught in a quandary. Should she accept his generous invitation, or would it be kinder to refuse? In the end she gave into her own wish to not be alone, to reassure herself that they could indeed still be friends, that things could go back to the way they were. "Thank you albus, that would be most pleasant," She answered.

"Tonight then," Albus answered, with a brief nod, as he rose and left the great hall, leaving most of his food uneaten. Minerva did her best to ignore the curious glances of the other members of staff, and resolutely refused to answer Poppy's questions. At last she too rose and left the hall, unable to bear being the subject of such attention any longer.

Despite their best efforts the chess game that evening was a tense affair, and neither one of them truly enjoyed it, but they were so used to being in each other's company that both of them found it hard to leave the other. The two of them tried their best to make casual conversation, but it felt stilted and unnatural. They strove to focus on their game, but neither one of them really cared who won or lost, and as the evening wore on both of them felt that all of the previous ease in their relationship had vanished.

It was almost with a sense of relief, that Minerva at last bade Albus goodnight, and returned to her own chambers. Once there, though, the sense of loneliness returned, until she buried her nose in a book and tried to forget.

* * *

Over the next couple of weeks, as the spring term drew to a close, and the long summer holidays came ever closer, Albus and Minerva tried to go back to what it had been like before they began to date. They continued to spend much of their free time together, and tried to chat in the old way, but the silences that used to be so comfortable were now tense and full of unspoken pain.

Jokes and banter that once would have had them both roaring with laughter, or happily competing to see who would win the battle of wills, now hung in the air, as they both strove to force smiles. Both of them thought they did a good job of hiding it from each other, but each one of them felt the pain of a relationship that seemed to be falling apart, unable to be healed.

In the long silent nights both of them wondered if they would ever recover the closeness they had once shared, and where once they would have told each other of everything they felt, now they kept only to light subjects, suitable for friends.

* * *

With the long summer holidays only a week away, Albus sat in his chambers gazing pensively out of the open window. His white brows creased in thought, and fingers twiddling absentmindedly, these last weeks had been so hard, so painful. He was still heartbroken over Minerva's rejection of his proposal, and felt as though the wound would never heal. Tiredly he rubbed a hand across his aching forehead, as though that might ease the pounding. He felt exceptionally exhausted, and drained, from the effort of maintaining this pretence that everything was all right, when increasingly he doubted if their friendship would ever be the same again.

What was he to do? It was agony to see Minerva every day, to wish to draw her into his arms, and to be unable to do so. The silver head sank to rest on boney fingers in despair, as Albus strove to find a way through his sense of loss. Unable to bear the dreadful emptiness of his chambers, where everything was a reminder of happy times with Minerva, he decided to go for a walk by the lake.

As Albus strode unseeingly along the rocky shores, his face unusually serious, his eyes still dull and devoid of sparkle, a concerned Poppy watched him. Her book lay forgotten in her lap, as she saw how exhausted and tired Albus looked. She had already tried talking to Minerva several times, but had been received with stoney faced silence, and a sharp warning to, 'mind your own business Poppy, this is a private matter.' At last after a few brief minutes of thought Poppy decided that something had to be done, and with a determined expression on her face strode up to Albus.

"You look as though you haven't eaten or slept well in at least a week," She remarked, with a disapproving glare.

"I am perfectly well Poppy, I assure you," Albus answered, in a tone which belied his tiredness.

"Is something troubling you Albus?" Poppy asked curiously, perhaps he could be persuaded to tell her, what Minerva refused to speak of.

A brief hesitation, and the answer came, "It is a private matter Poppy."

"Between you and Minerva?"

Albus' eyes flashed warningly at that. "As I have said, Madam Pomfrey, it is a private matter, and further questions will not be appreciated." His tone was still polite, but there was a distinct hint of ice in it.

Poppy shot him an appraising glance, her eyes expertly analysing his state, both physical and mental. Clearly the Headmaster bore all the hallmarks of extreme stress, as well as looking thouroughly run down. "What you need is a good holiday Albus. To get away from here, take some time for yourself for once. The holidays start in a week, this is one of our quietest times of the year, we can manage without you."

"I assure you that I do not need a holiday ..." Albus began irritably.

Poppy wagged a stern finger in Albus' face, ignored the steely glare he shot at her, and said firmly, "Now Headmaster, you know perfectly well that if I suspect that you are ignoring your health, and are placng yourself in danger of illness or collapse, that I have the power to override you, and insist that you take a break. Don't make me do that Albus. Everyone knows that there is tension between you and Minerva, and do not glare at me like that, it is plain for the entire school to see, and it is not good for anyone. It also would not be good if the Headmaster of Hogwarts made himself ill. What kind of an example is that for the students? Take a holiday Albus, take some time for yourself."

"I will consider it." Albus conceded, in a slightly put out tone.

"Be sure that you do," Poppy admonished, "Or I will be coming to see you."

As soon as Poppy left, Albus immediately dismissed the idea as ridiculous, he had no intention of going away. He was fine. If he just gave it time, everything would get back to their old level of friendship with Minerva. It just needed some time. Silver eyebrows creased, normally smiling lips tightened, as Albus tried to ignore the feeling that everything would not be fine.

When Albus met Minerva that evening, he was determined to make even greater efforts to return their relationship to it's old comfortable level of good friends, and nothing more. He strove to make light cheerful conversation of the type they had once so enjoyed, but with every passing minute he was acutely aware of the distance between them. A distance which it seemed impossible to bridge. Albus was not surprised when Minerva ended the evening unsually early. He had been well aware of how uneasy she was, of how stilted her demeanour had been.

With a weary sigh Albus sank into his ugliest most garish, and most comfortable armchair, and gazed in despair at the wall. This was not what he wanted. "I will never have what I truly want..." He muttered despairingly, "This is tearing us apart, tearing me apart ... unbearable to be so close to her, and not be able to hold her or ..." Albus rubbed at his eyes, brushing away the tears that threatened to fall. It was so heartbreakingly agonising to be near Minerva, to see her everywhere he went, and yet to feel such distance from her. Unbidden Poppy's words sprang into his mind. To get away for a time, that was what he needed, he should go at once.

Albus sprang to his feet, then stopped dead in his tracks as he thought of Minerva, and how she would feel if he left. For many long minutes he stood there, deep in thought, torn. He needed to get away, to take time to heal. Then perhaps his friendship with Minerva could go back to how it used to be, but he knew Minerva would be hurt, and worried, if he left. At last he decided that he had no choice, if he stayed, the distance between them would grow, and it was near intolerable for him already.

Albus sighed, now all he had to do was talk to Minerva. Perhaps he should leave it for tonight though, let her sleep, and talk to her tomorrow. The dark circles he had noticed under her eyes hinted that, like him, she was not sleeping well at the moment, perhaps this break would do her good too. In truth, now he had made his decision he was eager to get away, to be free of this place with all it's reminders.

With a heavy heart Albus made his way to Minerva's chambers, and knocked softly on her door. "May I come in Minerva?" He asked, as the door creaked open.

Minerva shot a curious glance at Albus, he looked like a man with something on his mind. Then beckoned him inside, where he took his customary seat across from her. Albus refused all her offers of tea or hot chocolate, and there was something shadowed in his eyes that made Minerva wonder what he wanted to talk about.

After a brief fraught silence, Albus took a deep breath, and began to tell her of his decision. "Minerva, I'm going away on a trip this summer," Albus hesitated, "I have a little cottage in the country, I will stay there for the holidays. I think its best we don't see each other for that time. I will be leaving tomorrow morning." Albus paused, and glanced anxiously at her from under bushy white brows, "Minerva, I just need some time alone ... to try to come to terms with ..."

"Don't Albus!" Minerva snapped, "I thought you were nothing like Jack, and here you are running away!"

Albus flinched as he heard the bitterness in her voice, frantically he tried to reassure her, "Minerva I am still your friend, and always will be, you have my word on that. I won't be gone forever, I will be back in a few months. Please try to understand, I need to ... to get over you ... or at least try ... you have to admit that things have not been right between us these last weeks. I believe time apart might help."

"And what if it doesn't Albus? What then?" She asked, with a telltale quiver in her voice, "Will you leave Hogwarts, or will I?"

"It won't come to that Minerva, this time apart will make everything right." Albus tried desperately to inject conviction that he didn't feel into his voice.

A curt nod was all the response she could manage, and he took that as acceptance of his decision.

"I'm sorry Minerva, I think we need to put some distance between us at least for the summer. I will see you at the start of next term, my dear." Albus leant forward and kissed her briefly on the cheek, his hand grasping her's for the merest fraction of a second. Then he turned and walked away leaving her suddenly lonely without him.

_Author's Notes_

_Yes, I know it's still angsty. It's not my fault, I just let them do their own thing in this story, and this is where they took me. ;) This is what happens when I don't plan things. ;)_

_I should have been writing for camp nanowrimo tonight, I'm behind on my word goal already, but I wanted to keep to my word of updating tonight. I'm now going to go play HP lego or something. ;) And write like mad tomorrow. The story I'm writing for camp is ADMM, and it's very AU, set in medieval times, I'm hoping to finish it. It also has them both as teenagers, I've always wanted to give them a teen romance. :)_

_So, despite the angst, I hope you all liked it. :) _


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

By the next morning Albus was gone, vanishing away before breakfast. Minerva had half expected this, but even so she was still acutely aware of the empty chair next to her's at breakfast. As soon as the meal was over she slipped away, feigning ignorance of Poppy calling after her.

Minerva had no wish to have well meaning busy bodies prying into her private affairs, and since it was sunday, she made her way swiftly to her chambers and shut the door firmly. Several times people knocked on her door, doubtless either Poppy or Rolanda, both of whom had been irritatingly worried about her the last days. Minerva simply ignored their knocks, and waited for them to go away.

At first she tried to keep busy by tidying her study, but since she was meticulously tidy anyway, this didn't take long. After that Minerva did her best to immerse herself in reading, but soon found that she was constantly rereading the same words over and over again. Right about now, if this had been a normal sunday, Albus would have been knocking at her door inviting her for a walk round the grounds, his blue eyes twinkling brightly at her, and the day would have whizzed by in his company. Now each second seemed to last forever. Minerva huffed irritably, as she glanced at the clock, it was only ten in the morning, and already she was thouroughly bored without Albus. Where before she had treasured her solitude, now she noticed only how quiet and lonely it was without him.

'This won't do at all!' she told herself sternly, 'I refuse to waste my day off missing him!' Minerva drew herself up to her full height, took a deep breath, draped a light shawl round her shoulders and strode from her study.

To her annoyance she met Poppy in the passage, and when her fiercest glare failed to deter her friend from approaching, she fixed Poppy with an icy stare, and snapped, "Not now Poppy, I'm busy!"

"No you aren't. You're just trying to avoid talking to me about you and Albus," Poppy answered firmly. "And you can stop glaring at me like that, you know it doesn't scare me. Come for a drink Minerva, you know it'll do you good."

"Getting me drunk will not make me talk about things!" Minerva snapped.

"It's not good to keep everything bottled up inside Minerva, I'm your friend, come for a drink at the Hogshead ..."

"For the final time I do not wish to talk about it, now get out of my way before I hex you!"

With Minerva's eyes flashing dangerously, and her wand hand inching towards her robes, Poppy thought it best to move. Though she eyed her friend with great concern as she strode off down the passage.

For a time Minerva walked blindly, with no real idea of where she was going, her footsteps leading her to the shores of the lake she had so often strolled along with Albus. As she stood staring at the water, she blinked tears of rage and frustration from her eyes. He had said he would come back, it was only a few short months, why did she miss him so already?

Minerva refused to let the tears fall, she was dammed if she would be seen sobbing on the shores of the lake like some lovesick teenager. Somehow the heather clad mountains tempted her, and with determination etched on her face, she set out along the rocky shore, and up the slopes of the mountains. The air was cooler here, as it swirled around her face, tugging at stray strands of hair. She felt almost as though she were home once more, back in her family's tiny cottage, deep among the wild mountains. Even this couldn't ease the loneliness of Albus being gone. "Damm you Albus!" She muttered, "Damm you, why couldn't you just be happy with things the way they were?"

She could see the castle far below. From the first moment she had set foot inside it Albus Dumbledore had been there, first as her teacher and mentor, then as her friend, and finally as her lover. He was bound up in the place, she couldn't seperate them. He was as much a part of Hogwarts, as the stones that made up the castle. He had always been there, ever since she was a small girl of eleven, and now he wasn't. At last the tears fell, cascading down her cheeks, and she was powerless to stop them, as she sank to the ground, cradled her head in her hands and sobbed helplessly, alone with only the mountains to see.

Exhausted and drained of all emotion at last, Minerva rose shakily to her feet and wearily made her way back down the mountain. Drawing her shawl closely around her, she slipped through the dark pine trees, and made her way along a narrow path to a small side door which few people knew of. Once in her chambers she collapsed onto her bed, and fell into a deep sleep only disturbed by dreams of Albus.

Minerva woke the next morning determined to carry on as normal. She took extra care with tying her hair into a tight bun, and applied a light glamour charm to hide the dark circles which still lingered under her eyes. Determined that no one would have cause to pry into her private affairs, as Poppy had tried to do yesterday.

"Typical of Dumbledore, going off on holiday and leaving me to do all the work..." She muttered to herself, as she smoothed down her robes, and checked her appearance in the mirror by the door.

Minerva soon discovered that this was not the case. For before leaving, Albus had made sure that each member of staff was assigned part of his normal duties. For some reason this annoyed Minerva even more. Did he think she was so incapable? Did he think she was unable to cope in his absence? Did he expect her to fall apart just because he was gone, such arrogance! Minerva huffed indignantly to herself, she would show him!

With her nose in the air, and her back rigid with supressed fury, she strode along the passages, a dangerous glint in her emerald eyes, which made all who saw her scuttle out of her way rapidly. Despite this being the final week of term, traditionally a time where rules were lightened, Minerva was in no mood to put up with any high spirited nonsence, and the day passed in a blur of lectures, detentions and points deductions, till her students were almost afraid to breath.

Somehow during that final week of term, her anger sustained her, making it easier for her to cope with Albus' absence. And so she clung to her fury, was even sterner than anyone could remember, and dealt out a record amount of homework for the final week of term.

The castle was empty now, only a few members of staff remaining for the holidays. The anger that had sustained her had drained away leaving only lonliness. Normally Albus would have been there, filling the day with laughter and childish pranks. Now there was just solitude, broken up by the anxious enquiries of Poppy and Rolanda, both of whom had decided to remain at hogwarts for the holidays.

Two long weeks had drifted by almost soporifically. Minerva had not heard from Albus since he left, and every day that his silence continued her loneliness grew worse. None of her normal pursuits could hold her interest for long, as her thoughts kept turning back to Albus. Her friends were irritants with their constant wish to talk about things. Minerva had no wish to talk, particularly as it would likely end with her making a complete fool of herself, by descending into helpless floods of tears.

On occassion she toyed with writing to Albus. She was nearly certain that he would not be so cruel as to ignore any missive she would send, but what was she to say to him? She was the one who had wounded him, had rejected him, it was scarcely surprising that he could no longer tolerate her presence. Her chest would tighten with fear at such thoughts, what if Albus was unable or unwilling to even be her friend when he returned?

Other times she would be wracked with self doubt, had she been wrong to reject him? She did love him after all, even though she had never told him so, but surely he must have known. Surely he understood her reasons, after all her knew all about Jack. Albus was the one who had held her together, helped her survive that. And this was how she repayed him, by breaking his heart, should she just have accepted? Should she write to him now, and say she had been wrong?

As it had many times before, her hand drifted towards her quill, reached for a scroll of parchment. Sometimes she had even got as far as penning the words, 'Dear Albus,' before doubt took hold of her, and the scroll would be flung across the room. After all, what could she say? She truly did not wish to marry him, not because she didn't love him, but because she loved him too much. She had not changed her mind, could not take the risk. She would have to await his return, and hope that the rift between them would be healed by then.

Minerva could bear these empty chambers with their memories of him no longer. she rose from her chair and swept from the room, and out into the grounds to pace the shores of the lake, as she had done so often these last weeks. Minerva had always loved walking in the grounds of the castle, feeling the wind on her face, carrying scents of heather and pine trees with it, had always found a certain peace here among nature, but these last weeks it had given her no solace.

Frustrated she drew a book from her pocket, and settled herself delicately on a rock by the lake, tried to lose herself in the words of her favourite author. A flash of scarlet against the summer sky drew her attention. A flurry of wings, a soft musical trill, and Fawkes landed at her feet, gazing up at her with bright golden eyes.

"Albus isn't here Fawkes..." Minerva said, as she gazed down at the phoenix. Honestly didn't that bird have any brain?

Fawkes squawked indignantly, almost as though he knew what she was thinking. Then hopped onto her leg and rubbed his soft head affectionately against her.

"Foolish bird, anyone would think you missed me..." Minerva said softly, as she stroked his crimson feathers. Somehow the motion, the feeling of the feathers beneath her hand, soothed her. Fawkes trilled contentedly, his head nuzzling against her.

Minerva scritched with her fingers behind Fawkes ear, just where he liked it. She watched with faint amusement as the phoenix almost purred in bliss, his head arching towards her, till he tumbled from her knee and landed on his back, with his legs in the air, where he lay trilling contentedly. "Foolish bird..." Minerva said fondly, as she searched her pocket for a treat. "I'm sorry Fawkes," she said at last, "I'm not Albus, I don't have pockets full of candy for you."

The phoenix righted himself, and hopped onto her shoulder, squawking softly in her ear. "I suppose you expect me to go all the way to the kitchens and find you something to eat!" Minerva grumbled half heartedly.

A gentle nip of her ear, said that this was precisely what the phoenix expected. With a sigh Minerva rose to her feet, and made for the kitchens, with Fawkes still perched on her shoulder.

The phoenix remained with Minerva for the rest of the day, only leaving as the sun drifted beneath the horizon. Once he had gone, the loneliness that had eased a little returned in full force, as Minerva gazed regretfully at the twilight skies, and wondered what Albus was doing at the moment. Did he miss her? How was he feeling? She could still see his pale heart broken face before her eyes, and when she tried to sleep it haunted her. How could she have hurt him so?

Over the next weeks Fawkes developed a habit of flitting anxiously between Albus' country cottage, and Minerva. She soon came to rely on his daily visits, for Albus felt a little closer when the phoenix was there with her. Unlike her concerned friends Fawkes was a soothing presence, for he didn't bother her with questions or attempt to make words of comfort, he was simply there - perched on her shoulder trilling fondly, or squawking insistently for food or attention. "This isn't like you Fawkes, you are normally so independant." Minerva said one day, as she acceded to his wishes.

Fawkes simply trilled mournfully, his feathers drooping sadly, and nuzzled ever closer to her.

"Poor thing..." Minerva murmured, "You're not used to Albus and I being apart for so long, are you ..." Sudden tears sprang to her eyes, as the realisation struck her, that neither was she.

Fawkes seemed to feel her pain at once, for he snuggled closer against her, his scarlet head rubbing against her neck fondly. A single musical note came from his golden beak, and Minerva felt a little lighter and brighter, as it echoed around them.

During the long evenings when Fawkes had returned to Albus, and Minerva was alone again, she would sometimes wonder if it was Albus that had sent fawkes that first time. The thought was strangely comforting, at other times she would be sunk in gloom convinced that he had all but forgotten her.

_Author's notes_

_Yes, I know, I said Thursday and it's now Friday, that's why I rushed and updated today. I'm sorry for the late update, in the last two days I've written 8000 words for camp nanowrimo, and I was exhausted afterwards, but my new ADMM story is nearly complete now. :)_

_The next chapter is the final one, and I'll try my best to update on time for that one. :) I should have a head start on my 40,000 words in a month aim by then, I hope. _

_I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and liked the introduction of Fawkes, he seemed a good comforting presence for Minerva. _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The long summer holidays were half over now, and Minerva had not seen or heard from Albus for five long lonely weeks. Fawkes had vanished for the night, and Minerva still stood gazing out over the waters of the lake, as they rippled in the breeze. She was unwilling to go inside yet, for she always missed Albus most when she was alone in her chambers.

The stars twinkled brightly against the night sky, and gazing at them she couldn't help but be reminded of Albus, memories of him drifting through her mind. How vivid his hair had been, how merrily his blue eyes had twinkled, that day all those years ago, when she had first met him, as a nervous eleven year old. His hair had changed from blazing fiery auburn to purest white over the years, but the eyes had remained as light and bright as ever. She could almost feel him, as the memories flowed - his booming laughter, that resounded through the castle on a regular basis, the soft hum of his voice as he murmured endearments, as he held her in his arms.

"I miss you Albus..." She whispered to the stars above, as they gazed down at her, silent and unanswering.

At last the constant attention of the ever biting scottish midges drove Minerva to seek refuge indoors.

Her chambers were shrouded in semi darkness as she entered, only the faintly glowing embers of the morning's fire lit them a little. Minerva's nostrils twitched. What was that faint aroma? It was definitely familiar, like lemon and chocolate mixed, with just a hint of sandalwood.

"Hello Minerva..." Came a soft voice from a seat by the fireplace. A shadowy figure rose to his feet, silver hair glowing faintly in the dim light.

"Albus! You're back!" Minerva gasped, as she stepped forwards as though to fling her arms around him, then stopped herself, and hovered uncertainly by the door.

"I couldn't do it Minerva, I couldn't stay away from you so long, I missed you so much my dear. Being apart from you a single minute longer would have been unbearable." The softness of his voice flowed over her like a whisper in the night.

"I missed you too Albus," Minerva whispered, as unshed tears shimmered in her eyes. "And I'm sorry I hurt you so badly, I never wanted to. It's just that ..."

"I know Minerva, I know, and I am sorry too my dear." Came the gentle answer, as Albus stepped towards Minerva, and kissed her softly on the cheek. His arms falling lightly round her waist as he did so, drawing her close to him.

After a few minutes, Albus drew back from her, sapphire eyes drifting across her fondly, a hint of anxiety in their depths. "Minerva if this dating each other is all we can have, then I will accept it. Because all I want is to be with you, in any way that you will have me, but first my dear, I think we need to talk. Would you give me one last chance to convince you, and then if you still will not marry me, I give you my word that I will not ask you again."

"Albus I don't want to fall out again ..." Minerva answered uncertainly.

"Trust me Minerva, if you refuse me this time, I will accept it. I will try to be happy with just dating, if that is what it takes to have you in my life."

His offer touched her immeasurably, "Albus perhaps ... the distance ... perhaps I could ... let you in a little more ... tell you how I feel about you ..." Minerva said hesitantly.

"How do you feel about me my dear?" He asked softly, his voice quivering.

"Oh Albus! Don't you know ?!" She exploded in frustration, "Do you really need me to say it?"

Albus smiled fondly at that, his eyes sparkling in almost the same old way Minerva remembered. Then his face growing suddenly grave, he said quietly, "No Minerva I didn't know, not till now. I wondered and hoped, but I was never certain."

Once again Minerva saw how much she had inadvertently hurt him. "I thought you would know..." She muttered helplessly, "You always know everything ... well you always seem to."

Albus chuckled lightly at that, then grew suddenly serious again. "How about a cup of tea my dear, and then we talk?"

"Yes, Albus perhaps that is a good idea..." Minerva answered hesitantly.

At once Albus seemed to sense Minerva's worries, and sitting down next to her, he cupped her chin in his hand, until her eyes were gazing into his. "Minerva you have my word, if you still do not wish to marry me after hearing what I have to say, then I will not ask you again. Trust me my dear, I have thought very deeply this last few weeks, and much as I wish to marry you, I have also realised that I cannot go back to being just friends." As he saw the worry in her eyes ease, Albus said gently, "Now you stay there, and I will go to the kitchens and fetch some tea for us both. You look tired my dear, a nice cup of mint tea will do you good." With a fond kiss on Minerva's pale cheek, Albus left to fetch tea.

Whilst he was gone Minerva tried to regain her composure, after the shock of Albus' unexpected return. She also began to dread having to reject another marriage proposal from him, for she knew it would sadden and wound him, despite his promise.

A few minutes later, Albus returned bearing a tray laden with cups, and plates piled high with sandwiches and cakes.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you go to the kitchens by yourself," Minerva commented wryly.

Albus chuckled, in just the light hearted way that Minerva had missed so the last weeks. She noticed more than ever how his face lit up with merriment and good humour. He was such a sweet man.

For a time they sat quietly, sipping their drinks. The food remained untouched though, with even Albus seeming to have no appetite for it. As the night air grew chilly, Albus prodded the fire into life, then set down his cup, and turning to Minerva said with a nervous tremble in his voice, "If you are ready my dear, I think now would be a good time to talk."

All Minerva could do was nod tensely, and steel herself to refuse him once more, but first she would do him the courtesy of listening to what he wished to say. She doubted it would change her mind though. As she waited to hear what Albus wished to say, she couldn't help but notice the sudden tension in Albus, how he drew in a deep breath before beginning to speak. His eyes as he turned to look at her were shadowed, and she sighed softly to herself to see this.

"Minerva how long do you think I've loved you for?" Albus asked softly.

Minerva's eyebrows shot upwards, this was not what she had expected him to say. "I beg your pardon?"

"Do you know how long I have been in love with you?" Albus repeated, "How long do you think I've loved you my dear?"

It seemed that Albus did indeed expect her to answer this question, for he sat in silence, gazing at her intently. "Well we started dating two years ago now, and I suppose you must have been attracted to me, or you never would have asked me out, so I can only imagine that sometime after that you ..." Minerva hesitated, embarrassed, it felt decidedly awkward to state that Albus loved her. "I suppose it was sometime after that. Why Albus? Why do you ask such an odd question?"

"I have my reasons my dear." Albus murmured gently. Once again he took a deep breath, as his eyes sparkled at her with a mixture of hope and fear. "I think that perhaps I should tell you how long I have been in love with you for ... Minerva I have adored and loved you for over twenty years now."

Minerva gasped in astonishment, she had never suspected that Albus had loved her for so long.

"I suppose I really should have told you this sooner my dear, but I was all too aware of the distance you wished to keep between us, of your worry about getting hurt again, and I had no wish to make you uncomfortable or scare you away from me." Albus sat for a time staring down at his intertwined fingers, then he lifted his head and gazing into her eyes began to speak of his love. "My love is not some passing fancy that will fade and die in difficult times, it is eternal Minerva. I have loved you for over twenty years now, and I believe I know each one of your faults very well indeed, and each of those faults only makes me love you more, for they are what makes us human. I know each one of your quirks and foibles Minerva, and I treasure them for they are what is intrinsically you."

Albus paused, as he took a sip of hot chocolate, then continued to speak, his eyes shining with passion. "Do you remember that first day when you returned to work here? That was when I fell in love with you Minerva. Of course you were already married to Jack then, so I kept silent, contented myself with being your friend, but each day my love grew, as did my longing for you."

Albus took another sip of hot chocolate, paused to draw in a deep breath, and continued on. "Minerva it was you who saved me, before you I thought I could never love again, not after Gellert. I thought i could never trust myself to love again, and so I was determined not to fall in love, but all it took was one look at you, and I knew I could no longer keep to that. For I had no choice other than to love you. Minerva, you had grown so beautiful over those few short years that you were away from Hogwarts, so few years where I did not see you..."

As Albus continued to speak softly, telling Minerva of his long held secret love for her, of so many years of worshipping her from afar, Minerva was awed by the depth and strength of his feelings for her. And began to realise that the man before her, who spoke with shining eyes of his adoration for her, was nothing like Jack. For this man offered her his heart for all eternity.

Suddenly Minerva was on her knees before Albus, gazing up at him with love shining in her emerald eyes. "Albus will you marry me?"

"w-w-what d-did you say?" Albus stuttered, after several moments of stunned silence.

"Will you marry me Albus?" She asked once again.

Albus blinked owlishly at Minerva. "I ... I ... y-y-yes ... of course ... yes ... yes ..." Suddenly he seemed to come to his senses, and kneeling on the floor next to Minerva, he drew her into his arms, and kissed her long and tenderly. Drawing apart at last, Albus gently brushed her hair from her face, "You just made me the happiest man in the world," he whispered, as tears of joy danced in his eyes.

_Author's Notes_

_I hope that ending surprised you all as much as it surprised me? For at one point whilst writing this, I was in such a state of panic, for I couldn't see any way at all that they could even continue to be friends. But then, they showed me how, and so all was well. ;) I hope the end was suitably fluffy and happy, after so much angst? ;)_

_It's been fun, and thank you everyone for your reviews, they gave me great pleasure. :) Back to trying to finish my camp nanowrimo story for me, and once camp is over I have several more stories to publish. _


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